Here I Am!

Did you think I was hiding? I just realized how absent I have been.

Here is what is new:

• I lost 5.4 lbs during surgery weeks (2 weeks) but had a rough time mentally- I will blog about my new "swaddling" theory soon.
• I am currently down a total of 24.4 pounds
• I passed the 1/3 mark (my goal is currently 69 lbs total, so passing 23 lbs was a milestone)
• My BMI has officially dropped below the Obese level, which feels awesome

So I am feeling great about the progress, but a bit nervous about going on vacation next week. My dietitian and I went over some more (and better) ideas for backpacking, and some thoughts on how to stay on track as I am on vacation. Also, much of the food that can go backpacking is crazy high in sodium, so I need to be ready for a few lbs of water weight and not freak out.

My goal for my 10 days of vacation is to stay the same (as far as weight). I'd love to lose, and don't plan on going off my eating plan at all, but with the sodium and being outside my regular environment I want to be careful about setting my expectations too high.

More later...

In Which I Solve My Own Dilemma (one of them!)

The dilemma used to be "how will I carry big fat backpack over my big fat rear end without being exhausted in 10 steps".

Okay, rear end is still a ways from being small, but this year for our family vacation (which generally includes a little backpacking) we have 5 days on the trail. You know what that means? No electricity for my Magic Bullet. No easy way to access my lean lunch meat, or grilled chicken, or frozen berries. Or my Greek Yogurt.

I leave in about 3 weeks, so today I asked my dietitian (via email, it's so nice to have help so accessible) for ideas for backpacking. She sent me some, but unfortunately much of the suggested backpacking food is for people further along than me. And by that I mean they can eat beans, oatmeal, etc.

Now I don't want beans and oatmeal back yet- I am still learning how to eat well, how not to have to be stuffed to the gills all the time, and the temptation of oatmeal is just too much. So I started worrying about how I would come up with 5 days worth of food that:
1) fits into my eating plan
2) doesn't cost a fortune
3) might not taste horrific
4) will give me enough protein, carbs and fat to prevent me from eating my camping pillow in my sleep

I posted the question to the online Community for 20/20 dieters (and alumni) but it's not a very active online community. Not sure why, but it's not real active. I waited for a response for like 2 hours, then with my usual tenacity I sought out my own answers.

I realized I HAVE WHAT I NEED TO FIGURE THIS OUT!!! I just used my 20/20 online meal tracker to plan out my backpacking meals….I enter what I’d hypothetically eat, and it gives me the calories and protein and carbs.

I can do this, I can use it to plan.

You will not conquer me, backpacking trip. You shall NOT lure me into the dark forest of bread and sodium filled sadness.

I do plan to also see if there are any of the dehydrated meals I can do/add in. Like I am sure I can do a veggie side one, peas or something. That would taste good and give me more food on my plate for very few calories more.

I still have plenty of time to plan all my backpacking days (will probably do 3 menus, duplicating two twice. Maybe more) and have my Dietitian review them before shopping.

Here’s a typical day, and nothing here is very heavy (as in weighty in my backpack- remember, if I need to eat it I have to carry it. ugh!)

Breakfast:
• 20/20 vanilla shake (made from powder)
Lunch:
• 4 oz trader joes turkey jerky
• ½ cup dehydrated apples
Snack
• 20/20 Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Bar
Dinner
• 3 oz pack of bumblebee tuna
• Packet of fat free mayo
• ½ cup dried strawberries
• Chocolate 20/20 shake (made from powder)

And here’s how that looks (see image) compared to what I should eat each day. It’s a bit low on fat, so I *may* be able to use regular (or lowfat) mayo packets, we’ll see. Also, note that I usually save my last shake of the day for right before bed, I pretend it’s a milkshake. Or a candy bar.

Anyhow, this little activity kind of cheered me up on what was an otherwise stressful night.

Stressed

I can't even think of a funny title for this entry. I am stressed. And usually when I am stressed there are multiple things, right now it's one thing- parenting. I adore my kids (as a parent I must add this disclaimer) but let's face it, even the people we love can make us feel like we want to crawl under the bed with a tub of ice cream and the television set for 4 days.

And teenage kids, well...need I say more? Trying to learn to be independent and yet incapable of remembering the most basic of tasks or directions. Capable of retaining every detail about an outing with their friends that happens once, but draw a blank on which day the garbage man comes every week. For the past 10 years.

Sigh.

Anyhow, my kids aren't stealing the car, or money from my purse, but are still entirely capable of frustrating me. And as my counselor put it "now you feel these emotions more readily, without the sugar to pillow the blows". That is SO true. I would have treated this frustration with a nice dose of marshmallow creme and twizzlers, but now there's just some lean chicken and lettuce between me and my emotions.

Oddly I don't *want* to overeat. I am not wishing I could pig out, but I am wishing I knew what to do. I know I want to escape. I just want to get away from the situation, but I can't. My son's case of the Irresponsible Lazies will only be cured (in my humble opinion) by a little extra work and

I hadn't worked out yet, so went for my workout walk/jog for 45 minutes and I am still stressed. So I went to the barn to see my horse. Still stressed. GAH! Stress affects cortisol which makes it harder to lose weight. That makes me even MORE stressed and furious... Vicious cycle. STOP BEING STRESSED!!

Not much I can do. I am going to try to go to bed as early as I can tonight.

60 Minutes

...should be a television show. But it's not. It's the new length of time I have to do aerobic workout now 3 times a week (the other two workouts I am still doing 45 minutes).

Last week I survived my procedure (more on that later) and this week She is out of town, on vacation. I decided to save my trainer visits for end of program and test my ability to do my workouts on my own. Well, work out alone is what I should say because She wrote out every detail and sent it to me. And she increased my aerobic time from 45 to 60 minutes. Sneaky, very sneaky.

My last workout was last Tuesday at 5 am, before surgery. The rest of the week I nursed myself back to health and rested, I was really sore (incisions) from laproscopy and not up to much. I really thought I'd be more active, had visions of even working out on Thurs or Friday but I really hurt. So, I left the house for the first time on Friday, and did lots of non-exercise walking on Saturday (wore my pedometer and logged like 6,500 steps) but otherwise I was pretty much just healing.

So this morning I wrestled myself out of bed and headed to the gym, I did the following to get in my 60 minutes:

• 20 minutes on recumbant bike (watching educational video)
• 20 minutes on treadmill- fast walk, incline 3.5
• 10 minutes on the elliptical thingie
• 10 minutes on the stair thing I hate (the stair climber with real stair steps)

I didn't do any strength exercises, I was kind of chicken to do them at the club alone, but She provided me with ones I can do at home- which I will when I get home from work. Also, I was soaked with sweat and super exhausted from 60 minutes of aerobic. After my recumbent bike I kept my heart rate around the 145 and up range (it was way up there on the stair stepper, have I mentioned how I hate that thing?).

All in all it felt really great, though, to go to the gym on my own and do the full 60 minutes. My goal was to go to the gym 3 times this week, just like usual (instead of just working out at home the entire time).

Costco

Here are a few of my favorite things, and why I get them at Costco.

1. Spices- you get way fresher spices like garlic powder, dehydrated onions, seasoning salt, etc at Costco and they're cheaper than the grocery store for a larger quantity.
2. Advil/Ibuprofen are a steal at Costco, again- pennies on the dollar and let me say that I am using more Advil (now that I work out 5 days a week) than I have in years.
3. Vitamins- they carry top quality vitamins, minerals and other supplements. And did you know that anything marked Kirkland Signature (their store brand) is guaranteed to be the same quality as other brand name. Costco is great about returns, so I am never afraid to try their brand.
4. Meat- shrimp,boneless skinless chicken, etc- all better quality than the grocery store for a better price. They have frozen mahi mahi and other fish that is delightful. My sister in law introduced me to those my first day of 20/20
5. Veggies- the Costco celery stalks are a lifesaver. This weekend I bought two celery bunches at the grocery store (didn't make it to Costco that day) and they were almost $7 total, and once I removed the bottoms and leaves I had probably half the volume left, and they charged me by the pound. It goes without saying that their apples, lettuce mixes, etc are also really good quality and price. They also have frozen veggies. The cherry tomatoes are wonderful but I have to keep an eye on myself, I ate half a container while running errands one day, BIG belly ache later on from that one.
6. Eggbeaters- again, great price and there are a million ways to eat eggwhites for dinner. Trust me :)
7. Workout gear- they often have shorts, workout tops and swimsuits that are inexpensive and great for when you're losing weight and don't want to over invest in something that will be too big in a month. She says there is a tank top at Costco that is just like the Lulu Lemon ones.
8. Batteries- best deal anywhere and the Kirkland Signature ones are great.
9. Sunblock- two for the cost of one at a drugstore and you need it, now that you're outside working out.
10. Sunglasses- Costco has a brand of sporty ones (one of my friends swears by them) and they also carry a Ray Ban sporty one that is pretty cool.
11. Food for others- let's face it, we can't change how everyone else eats and cooking can be tempting, which is why I love stopping at Costco for a salad or dish to bring to a potluck. Their Caesar Salad is delightful, the carrot cake is super popular- and best of all, I don't have to be tempted with spoon licking as I cook. I just grab and go. (I like to snag a veggie tray for me while I'm there, so I have safe snacks).

and that is just to name a few. But remember, Costco does have Evil Sample Ladies so you have to be ready to not indulge. Besides, when was a dixie cup of something good enough to go off the eating plan? Never. Just focus on the great, healthy stuff you're getting at such a great deal.

Another good tip is that if you know you won't go through the Costco size of a product, find a friend and split the items and cost. Oh and don't forget your coupons- and if you do, you can grab a packet at their Customer Service Desk on your way in. I just learned that :)

The Honeymooners

"Well, if I was asked to describe your build, I'd say you have, uh, very well developed muscles, uh, a good bone structure, very good bone structure, fine frame... and the whole thing is covered with fat." Norton, the Honeymooners

On Monday I was watching my video before working out. When you go to work out, they have you watch an educational video (generally 10-20 minutes long) about a variety of health topics and eating. They're actually really pretty good except whoever filmed them didn't make the Lord of the Diet (who hosts every episode) look nearly as kind and funny as he is in person.

Anyhow, I watched one on Monday about the phases of dieting. They don't refer to my grief stages, but they did discuss how everyone goes through phases- the honeymoon phase, a resistance phase, and acceptance.

I had to laugh, because I am clearly in the honeymoon phase. I attend all my appointments, follow the program and so on. But they say that everyone goes through resistance, whether it happens during the program or after.

But it's all relative- because even though I am honeymooning I struggle every day, every meal to change into a person who chooses health over instant gratification. The one who chants "I don't need that red licorice, I will just have a few strawberries" and so on.

But I am glad I know about these phases because I can prepare myself. Because this is a lot of work, and I'd prefer not to toss it out the window because I am not ready to face discouragement and/or rebellion. And also so I can make sure my honeymoon is more LoveBoat and less The Honeymooners. Heehee

My Team

I am not sure I've taken the time to really tell you about my 20/20 Team...

• First, there is an overall Program Coordinator. She helped coordinate who would be working with me (they put a lot of care into assigning your staff, so you get a good fit) and I could not be more grateful. She's kind of the air traffic controller for your overall program.
• Next, there is my Dietician, who reminds me of Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz. She's adorable and very sweet and gentle but she is so smart and really has helped me tailor my eating plan to what works for me. I see her weekly for weigh in, review of my eating log and to discuss what is working, what isn't and so on.
• Then of course my Personal Trainer, who I see more than anyone else. I often refer to her as She on the blog here, but I don't think that describes her best. I kind of wanted to call her Tinkerbell, because she's always right there by my side to help me but then I read that Tink was often very jealous and naughty and that certainly isn't She.
• There's myLifestyles Coach/Counselor who I see every other week and she helps me figure out what could be blocking my progress and how I got chubbed up in the first place. I was wary of the counseling portion of the program but after my very first meeting with her I just knew she was going to be priceless. Last week I could not get myself to log my food, and after we talked we realized that I was looking at food journaling like a miserable task, rather than something that helps me.
• Then of course my Doctor, who is a delight I won't see him until the 10 week mark, but he's around the 20/20 office all the time and is so kind and friendly.

And then of course there's Skinnybuns and the Guru Eagle, who I report and ask questions of all the time (GuruEagle works at ProClub and knows all kinds of tricks).

Anyhow, I think that every spoke in the wheel of this program is what makes it work.These folks know weight loss and lifestyle changes and how to make them stick. I've said it before and I'll say it again- this program is amazing. It's not easy, but these folks make it doable.

Pass the IV

"...you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery."

- Billy Crystal in City Slickers

How true.

Tomorrow I am having a procedure, and I am nervous. No, not that I will die on the operating table, nor that they'll find something terrible in there, but that I won't lose any pounds this week.

I know, it's not all about the scale but... well, right now it kind of is. I am not so much smaller that I look a lot different, I am not getting compliments about all the weight I've lost- the only thing I have to keep me anchored to this new lifestyle is that the scale creeps down every week. And it keeps me going.

The procedure just requires a few small incisions (the largest about 4 inches- not too small) and my goal is to be back in the gym working out by Monday.

I worked out yesterday on my own, and this morning She blasted me with some intervals and weights (it was a great workout, I was like a noodle afterwards) and I am going to get in one more workout tomorrow morning before surgery. That will mean even if all I can do is lay around until Monday, I'll have 3 workouts in. I am hoping by Friday to at least be able to get my 5,000 steps in but would rather make sure I am healed than go too far too fast.

Pickles are NOT my friend.

GAH! My blood pressure was up again today (it has to be taken before and after every workout because it was so high when I started). The bottom number was 92! She and I discussed it and the only reasonable explanation is sodium.

Yesterday after weigh in I celebrated with some of those yellow/banana peppers, and also I have been eating a lot of turkey pastrami this week. So I went and looked it up- the turkey pastrami by Jenny O has 700 mg sodium per serving. EEK! That's about twice what regular lunch meat has.

Now I already confessed that I need to cut back on the lunch meat, I know it has sodium and also it's not nearly as good for me as cooking my own meat, but I have been lazy. But I won't ever get to stop getting my blood pressure checked until I consistently have the bottom number in the 70's and that won't happen with all this salt.

So, back to the drawing board- this weekend's goal: Cook some chicken and lean ground beef. Find some easy recipes (with ingredients I'll have) for keeping the meat moist and tasty. And remember, mother is always right- she has been on me about sodium for years!

Weigh to Go

It's Thursday, weigh in day (and Dietitian meeting).

I am down 2.4 pounds this week, for a grand total of 14 pounds. Hooray! I went a little chart crazy today.

First, I did my usual chart, because that shows me where I am compared to the trajectory I would need to reach my goal weight "in time" (meaning, while still in the 20/20 program, before January 11). I like this chart, which is available to make for free at www.fridgegraph.com

Then, I decided to see what percentage of my goal amount I have lost. So I made myself a wee pie chart. Hmmm, not too shabby, I've lost 17% (that's almost 20% which is almost 1/5!). I just finished my first month, so I am technically closer to about 14% of the way done. That's a little ahead of schedule- I like that, since I have a family vacation this summer and a few other "away from home" times where even if I am perfect on my eating I won't be with my trainer, and that makes me nervous.

Also, the realization that sometimes eating out, even if healthy, contains loads o'sodium which really affect my ability to lose. So, being a little ahead is good.

Was I done charting? You have to be kidding, no WAY. Remember, SkinnyBuns challenged me to look at all my behaviors to celebrate more than just the scale. So I ranked myself on how I did in the main areas of the program, I gave myself a percentage.

Here is what I saw- overall really good but COME ON with the bad job on logging/tracking my food. Not. Good.Enough. Interestingly, I had a great conversation with my 20/20 Counselor

about why I may not be logging my food, and I think I had a breakthrough on that. I'll go into that more in another post but rest assured I do not intend to continue neglecting my tracker.

As you can see, I did pretty well with water but failed on 2 days, and that made a pretty big dip. Oh and sleep- some nights I did great, others I sacrificed sleep for reading or sudoku, a bad choice when the body needs sleep to repair muscles and lose weight. I am certainly getting more sleep than I did before 20/20 but there's room for improvement.

So there's the weekly report. I felt pretty good this week- in control and stronger, not quite so bitter about not getting yummy food. I improved my steps for sure, I wasn't under 5,000 even one day. I am still eating a lot of processed/deli meat- I should be cooking more, but one step at a time. Baaabbby steps...

In which basketballs and rubberbands get me in shape

It is NOT a basketball. It's covered with basketbally material, and it looks like one but inside is something very heavy. Lead? Coal? Who knows, but week 5 has brought me to the realization that the machines are not as hard as crazy exercises using giant balls, basketballs full o'lead, and rubber bands with handles.

Today's workout included wall squat things leaning against a giant ball. standing on a rubber band thingie and walking sideways. Like a chubby crippled crab. Why do these things look so easy when She does them, then when it's my turn they become very clumsy and difficult?

The basketball o' lead was of the most interest to me because

a) I thought of how fun it would be for practical jokes and

b) it weighs 12 pounds, just .6 over what I've lost so far. It was neat to pick that thing up and have to feel how much is gone off my body already. I would have done a happy dance but I was too tired from intervals on the treadmill.

It's funny, because I can't say I love working out. I don't love anything that requires exertion but She has become a tremendously important part of this journey- I see her more than any other team member. Thank goodness I got the best trainer at the whole Pro Club because hers is no easy job.

Touch of Trash, what's in a name?

I've been trying to figure out how to describe why this blog is called Touch of Trash. The phrase came from my sister in law's mother, who is from Texas.

Have I told you that I am secretly from the South? I must have been kidnapped and moved up to the Pacific Northwest when I was too young to remember. Here are a few reasons I know I am from the south:

• I cannot control my need for big hair, bright fingernails and other Dolly Parton-esque style
• I can spot someone with a major fashion violation a mile away- white shoes in winter, mixing of blues and navies, clothing too young (or old) for the person's actual age, and so on. And yet I will go to the grocery store in my jammy bottoms. Go figure.
• I love to fry things, including green tomatoes. I also love peanuts in my coca cola even though I know that those days are over. I wonder what skinny southerners eat?
• Gone with the Wind- one of my favorite books

and the list goes on.

Anyhow, when I met her I just KNEW we were kindred spirits. And one day we were discussing our need to embellish every outfit with a little something extra- always having to push the line between cute and tacky and she gave me the best advice I have ever gotten: "Honey, you ALWAYS need a touch of trash".

It was great advice because even though I work for a large corporation, I have to remember my roots when I do things like eat individual serving SPAM for lunch at my desk. I haven't done that since starting 20/20, I don't think SPAM is on my list of healthy foods.

But I love the phrase Touch of Trash, and will likely toss in an occasional post about something tacky I have done just to keep myself grounded. The picture in this post is a necklace made for me by a friend, it's priceless!

Looping back to my sister in law, she writes an outstanding blog called Hey from Japan. She's talented and witty and has hair two stories tall. Delightful!

Measurements

Today I got measured. I was nervous- I just finished my 4th week of workouts (so today starts my 5th week). Here are the results:

• neck: I lost 1/4 inch
• waist (aka belly): lost 2/5 inches
• hips (aka bum): lost 1 inch
• bust: lost 2 inches

so about 4.5 inches total. I should have been elated but I found myself sad that my arms and legs haven't shrunk ONE BIT. My trainer reminded me we all lose differently.

Then as I thought about it I realized how odd it is to be disappointed after finding out you've shrunk. How can I be disappointed at 11.6 lbs lost and 4.5 inches gone? I should be elated. So then I started to get mad at myself for that. Then I got tired of being mad at myself and just figured "if you're not that thrilled then don't focus on it. Just keep going, just keep going..." and I went to celebrate by buying 2 of my favorite things:

1) berries (raspberries to be exact, but I am also insane over strawberries and blueberries).

2) turkey pastrami

I was checking sodium on the lunch meats I bought- because I love lunch meat and I am not much of a cook (so I rely on deli meat a lot) and the sodium was around 350 for a serving.

Then I happened across my favorite thing: Okra Pickles. Did you know that 2 of those has as much sodium as a serving of lunch meat? Okay, I know- who the HECK eats only 2 okra pickles? Not me! I never eat less than 5 because they are ever so tasty and they are okay on 20/20.

But I am learning that sodium does affect me, even if I don't think it should, so I am cutting back. I now allow myself a few pickles on Thursday because that gives me a few days to get it all out of my system before next weigh in and otherwise I try not to have more than one serving. Although I admit, if I have to have a current food vice I suppose pickles are pretty harmless.