Week 3 Weigh In

Here we are, my third weigh in. That's not counting the 1st week, because that was baseline. Anyhow, here I am halfway through the 4th week of my new eating with tomorrow as the start of my 5th week working out.

AND I LOST TWO POUNDS!

I know, you're probably wondering if I am going to blather every week after weigh in and the answer is YES! Getting on that scale is what motivates me. I feel great when I get my workouts in, when I attend my meetings and track my food, but the scale speaks to me.

Okay- so what did I learn this week?

1. Stress sucks- it messes with your cortisol levels and makes it hard to lose weight. Since I can't throw people off a cliff, nor can I stop them (or life events) from happening, I need to find other ways to deal with stress. One thing I started this week is Sudoku. I am terrible at it, but hope I can improve. It is incredibly distracting which I really like- I am so bad at it that I can't even think about a thing when I am trying to figure a puzzle out.
2. I can have more eggs. Well, egg whites. I've been trying to make these small omelet things with just 1/4 cup of egg whites but the fact is, that is just one ounce of protein, I can have much more. Wow, how often does that happen- I can have MORE?
3. I love Greek Yogurt, which I used to think was gross. But now I eat it with some blueberries and it is so yummy.

My current top secret goal is to be down 15 pounds total by July 14th weigh in. That's 3.8 lbs I would need to lose in 2 weeks. 15 pounds is a magic number because that seems to be when other people can notice, clothes become noticeably smaller (maybe even able to drop down a size in an item or two). And it's SO close to 20. :)

Stages of Grief

The Kubler-Ross Model, the 5 stages of Grief were originally designed for death or loss, but over time they moved on to apply to addiction and major life changes. As I start my 4th week of the 20/20 program I see that they apply to the loss of my good friend Piggy as well.

Piggy represents my old habits- eat what you want, when you want, in whatever quantity you feel. Piggy pays no attention to fat, sugar and/or sodium. Sometimes Piggy tries, like by buying Skinny Cows instead of Haagen Daas, but then Piggy eats 5 SkinnyCows in a bowl with chocolate sauce and nuts on it, and sort of defeats the reason Piggy chose those in the first place.

But 4 weeks ago, Piggy was retired. And I am grieving the loss of this dear friend. Granted, he gave me a big butt, constant food hangovers and left me with high blood pressure and a blood sugar level within 1 point of Diabetes... why would I grieve such a jerk?

Because food feels good. Instant gratification- shove it in, and those brain chemicals tell you that you feel great. But they don't last, so you have to eat more in a few minutes, and so on.

So I have been reviewing the stages of a loss and have some comments about how they have affected me this past few weeks:

1. Denial- this is sometimes "wow, can I just lose this weight so I can go back to eating what I like?". Answer: NOPE. Sucky answer, I know but it was a lifestyle changed that gave me a big unhealthy body, and unless I permanently change that lifestyle to something else I am going to stay that way.
2. Anger- this one is often in a restaurant when we see someone skinny eating ice cream. We don't ever consider that if she's allowing herself that treat maybe she just ran a marathon. We assume she has the metabolism of a hummingbird and gets to (and does) hang out with Piggy all the time. PS- people who say they can eat whatever they want without gaining usually don't really do that. Or they're 18.
3. Bargaining- "I'll write it down later", or "one day without my 5,000 steps won't kill me" or my favorite sign that Piggy is still twitching is this one "sodium doesn't matter if you're eating low fat and no sugar. Well, my dear departing Piggy I must remind you that sodium is bad for the high blood pressure, and also it makes you retain water so when you bound onto your scale every morning to see if your hard work is paying off you find that it's not moving. Or its even higher. Sodium is not your buddy.
4. Depression- Well, DUH. Who faces a weekend without Kettle corn, Safeway General Tso's Chicken (w/fried rice of course) and plenty of Coke to wash it down, and doesn't feel depressed. While I do find that some of these healthy things taste good, I admit that when it's time to go out to eat I feel some depression over what I don't get. Last weekend I woke up Saturday depressed and was that way all day. That is how I ended up in the Peanut Butter tragedy (see earlier post).
5. Acceptance- I am not there, so I can't describe this yet but I hope it includes a unicorn. All joking aside, sometimes I know that I can do this and that it is worth it. Like Saturday when I was able to wear some pants I haven't been able to squeeze into for over a year. Now don't get me wrong, they're not falling off- it's still a bit of a pinch, but I can accept that.

So Piggy, I know I'll miss you sometimes. I bet I'll even have days when I think I can have you and my new healthy body both- that I can be the skinny gal who eats what I want and doesn't gain. But it's not the truth, and when that happens I hope I can realize I am bargaining again and it's not a good deal.

I'm Still Standing

Wow, what a weekend. Friday morning I had a great (and tough) workout and I felt really good. After work I went to Costco for some stuff (love, love, love their ready to eat celery sticks and the cheery tomatoes) but didn't get anything cooked. So Saturday rolls around and I'm hungry and my brain is thinking "Weekend!!" and wants to eat some tasty-but-bad things. I am down to lunch meat for my proteins (at home) and I am getting sick of it.

I lasted through the day, right up until evening (my traditional pig out time) at which time I really overdid it with my nemesis, Peanut Butter. Curse your tasty goodness, PB.

But I admit this pig out was different than usual.

1. I was pigging out on something ON my eating plan list, I didn't even slink over to regular sugary peanut butter for the binge.
2. I pigged out using (don't laugh) a measuring spoon. So I could document it properly for my dietitian.

That doesn't mean I ate a manageable amount, this wasn't "oops I ate 2 extra tablespoons" this was more of a "MOMMMA HUNGRY!"moment in which I ate spoon after spoon until I'd eaten 8 teaspoons over the one reasonable one I could have had.

So why now, why did I make it to the second weekend (after a great weigh in on Thursday) and then lose it. I present for your consideration

1. Lack of planning and cooking ahead (see above)
2. Pity party -I wallowed in the knowledge that my pig out weekends are over. I seem to have forgotten the years I've been pigging out all weekend. Overeating becomes like a vacation for me- no matter how much I get to do it, I want more. But I have been thinking- this doesn't mean I don't get to enjoy tasty food, maybe I need to put some effort into learning to make good for me tasty stuff.

So there you have it, my peanut butter crisis tried to knock me off my feet but I got it back together on Sunday and eat on plan, which I am proud of. :)

Second Weigh In, New Chart

Weigh in was this morning, I only lost .8 this week. That's a total of 9.6 pounds total, which is great, but I am disappointed I didn't do better this week.

What went wrong?

• Peanut Butter- My dietitian has forced the breakup of me and Peanut Butter. As in, "how about you take the PB out of the house" and I couldn't agree more. I can't be trusted with Peanut Butter, it's too close to a comfort food.
• Sad-urday- I had a depressed day on Saturday. I woke up with visions of my favorite crappy weekend foods in my head and then remembered that's not who I am anymore. Then I had a few personal things to deal with that weren't my favorite and my BBQ broke, and I was spiraling into a very dark place. Diet-wise, it started with me not counting what I ate all day and ended with me and the jar of peanut butter and a measuring spoon. Yes, I measured my binge (I guess that's progress).
• Slumday- what the heck? I got in 1,300 steps on Sunday and did nothing to try to make it better. My goal per day is 5,000 (not including workouts 5 days a week) but I just sat there like a lump. Peanut butter hangover? Who knows. I got up, went to church, and did a few things so by the time I was home around 1pm I must have become mentally paralyzed and not moved the rest of the day.

Overall I made a few mistakes but they added up pretty quickly and resulted in a weigh in I was less than proud of. My dietitian (whom I have not nicknamed yet) reminded me I've made it to every appointment and workout and have really made progress- that the number on the scale isn't the only thing to look at. And she's right.

So I made myself a chart (actual numbers blurred to protect my ego, but know I am looking at about 69 lbs total weight loss as my goal):

The chart made me feel kinda good until SkinnyBuns reminded me that my chart doesn't have any space for working out, tracking my food, etc.

It basically displays only the weight, which some weeks will be good but let's face it, there may be weeks where I stay the same or even gain and it would be easy to forget that I got my workouts in, or that I am making progress on the overall journey- it's about more than a scale. So I am working on a new format for coming weeks.

Skinnybuns is the perfect advice giver because she reached her goal weight this week. I couldn't be prouder of her- it really shows not only in her size but her look- her skin, face, and overall countenance is so much healthier. She's the perfect reminder that many things make a GOOD (or BAD) week.

First Weigh In

I just walked out of my first weigh in. I removed 8.8 pounds. I am not using the word lost because EG (the Eagle Guru) reminded me that something lost can be found (eek!).

Oh gee, I haven't told you who he is, have I? He's SkinnyBuns trainer and was once a chub but turned it around, which gives him

a) empathy for those of us making the journey and

b) the "been there done that" to be a complete Guru about weight loss, nutrition and fitness.

I think even the Lord of the Diet might be a tiny bit afraid of EG. I added the word Eagle to the Guru because this guy sees everything- he has such a broad vision when it comes to what is going on in the ProClub Universe which gives him lots of good examples. And he swoops in to help out whenever he sees someone in distress. One of us 20/20 bears.

Why bears? I've said that I have felt a lot like a chubby old bear this first 10 days. Just woke up from the Hibernation of the Unhealthy and now I spend my days rummaging for berries and lean proteins (hikers).

But I digress.

The first 5-6 days sucked. I'm not going to mince words. I was hungry, crabby, hungry and had headaches. But guess what- after reviewing my food tracker (we use an online tool) we saw that my carb levels were pretty low. I was doing well on protein, but could use some more carbs midday. So for this next week we've increased my berries. Also I am going to make sure to do my berries with my shake every time I can, or eat them separate, so I get those healthy carbs.

I think I got some real wind in my sails once I made it through a weekend successfully and was close to my weigh in.

As for veggies, they're BACK. I get veggies now! Not starchy ones but there are a lot I can have. From lettuce to artichokes (love them!) to spaghetti squash, tomatoes, carrots, celery. I can hardly wait. Did I really just say that?

Monday, Monday

Wow, I got My.Butt.KICKED in my workout this morning. I love my trainer, she’s like one of those cute colorful frogs who is really sweet UNTIL SHE KILLS YOU WITH HER POISONOUS WORKOUT DARTS.

Seriously, first of all I was on the 20/20 video bikes dutifully watching my educational 20/20 video when SkinnyBuns walked by and I was like “hey, that’s SB” but I couldn't stop my video. I am certain that if I ever fudged on the videos then the Lord of the Diet (aka Dr. Mark Dedomenico, now known as LD, the Doctor who created 20/20) would come walking out of a hidden panel in the wall with a very disappointed look on his face. So there I sat, watching my friend strut by with sweaty hair and a wee backside and I couldn't capture her attention without risking her life by throwing my 20/20 waterbottle at her head. So on I pedaled.

This weekend I did not touch even one thing not on my diet, nor did I overeat. I can safely say (after consulting with my hubby) that it’s been over 6 year since I survived a weekend without the boys (Ben, Jerry, and their lovechild RedVines). That said, it was hard as heck. Seriously, no way around it- one does not go from living like the Hungry Hungry Caterpillar for several years and just quit cold turkey. At least not easily.

I did not do well on my steps Sat or Sun, and today’s video was on moving when you’re not exercising (ie, my steps) so I am most certain that LD saw it in his crystal ball. The videos are good, I actually like them and I learned that exercising is great but if you don't move your big ole buns the rest of the day you are more likely to gain back. Dang, that made me regret not getting in the full 5,000 steps each of those days.

But you know what? I am learning. So many times I've started diets and done perfect at first only to fall (plunge myself?) off the wagon and never go back, gain back all I lost and then some. I'd rather take it slow and learn these behaviors and have them stick.

So my Monday workout has me feeling like a noodle (a happy one, but noodle nonetheless) and I also went and picked up a checkbook style book from the 20/20 office so I can write what I bite. Because tracking online without a Win7Phone App is not going well. I can get to it once a day but I need to write throughout the day. My bet is that the Win7 App won’t come to life until a year from now, so I am trying to adapt to the tools I’ll have.

Walk the Walk

Talking about getting healthy is really fun. Buying magazines and/or fitness stuff (new tennies, etc) is even more fun. Starting to work out, not so shabby.

Changing eating habits- HELL.

I started my new eating plan Monday. I've heard often how full you are on this program, so I was ready to be a bit bored (without dumping sauce and/or frying everything I eat) but this first week is a sugar detox. OUCH.

My head hurts, I am hungry, I am tired. I feel like an old possum in the garage- just stay away and you're safe. This week I can have the protein shakes, berries, lean meats. errr, that's about it. No veggies until next week. I was so counting on staring into space blindly snacking on cucumbers.

I drove to Oregon and back to see family for a few days. Wow, road trips lose their appeal when your snack food is water. Actually, being in the car is safe. It's outside the car where you start noticing what everyone else is eating and feeling really jealous. Then I remember, oh yeah- that crap got me here.

Only now do I realize how many billboards, radio commercials, and gas station aisle are focused on food. Crappy, greasy, fattening, sweet/salty food (my favorite).

I tracked my food, but I admit I went overboard on Wed. I pigged out on extra berries and some extra almonds. But I documented it and Thursday I woke up and didn't do it again. And that's what counts.

I did it- here I am, 5 days in and I am still meaner than a snake (though I daresay it has lessened a teeny bit today) and my head hurts. And I am tired, have I mentioned tired?

This morning I was so grateful for my trainer, because I was a zombie (and I told her I was) and let me say, it was SO nice to have someone walk me through the motions of working out. I gave it my all but wow- not to have to think about what is next or convince myself to finish my exercises, now that was nice.

I hear the first 7 days are the worst, skinnybuns says the evil nemesis Sugar is behind my witchy symptoms. I believe her. I ate a LOT of sugar, and its hard to give up. But I'm 5 days in and there's no turning back now. So onward I trudge. Just me, my shakes, my lean proteins and my healthy future.

First workout with Trainer

I met my trainer today. I won't say I was a little nervous but I had dreams all night of not being able to find her, finding the wrong person, being at the wrong place, and so on. I guess the intimidation of facing someone who's fit for a living and having them baseline just how out of shape you are- spooky. I think I slept about 3 hours.

Arrived at club, there she was- and she's perfect. A delight! Friendly, warm, easy to talk to. I was really happy with her.

We went over my health history and what exercise I like to do. I explained that I *had* liked to do exercise but I got chubby it's just such a miserable, sweaty, chafing process that I avoid it. Therefore, I could not describe any exercises that I like in present tense. :)

But, knowing I am getting in shape, I had to give her a list. So first I told her that a few months ago I started running and really started to like it. Granted, I was running one minute walking two (intervals) but still- I could see potential. Especially if there was less of me jiggling. I told her I used to run, growing up, in track. A sprinter. I've long had a secret dream to someday race again in grown up Master's Track meets. I also played a bit of tennis as a kid, would love to pick that back up. We also discussed a few things I wanted to work on specifically related to flexibility and core strength.

Then I did about 15 minutes on a sort of elliptical thingie ( I don't remember what it's called, I just know you can step up and down or in a running motion) and I kept myself at my target heart rate- between 130 and 160. Despite feeling as though I was going to flop to the earth my heart rate stayed pretty low, which she said is a good thing.

Last, I did the bike while watching an educational video. This will be part of every workout, 3 times a week for the next 6+ months. It was all about getting started, what I'll need (measuring cups, food scale, etc). It was pretty good- felt like the first day of camp.

After the workout I hit the showers with my new wraparound towel. This was a necessity purchase because the towels at the club are small and using two at once (which a lot of folks do) makes me feel even bigger. It was an excellent purchase.

The only issue for today was that I packed my work shirt (a tee sort of shirt) in my gym bag last night and arrived at work looking like an old lunch bag!

By the way, I logged over 4800 steps yesterday with just a little more effort. It's amazing how little things increase your steps.

We Interrrupt this Blog

I am having some formatting trouble (in case the lack of paragraphs and weird fonts hasn't already given me away) so if anyone is reading this please withhold your judgement on my web capabilities until I can fix this.

Two new friends

At my first meeting (fat and finance) I was given two mighty weapons for my war against the waistline:

1) a squeezy water bottle

2) a pedometer

the squeezy, as I call it, is kind of like one you'd use on a bicycle. But it doesn't smell plasticy like the ones on my bike do. So I kind of like it, as water bottles go. I love buying water bottles, I just hate using them. I am not a fan of water that is not full of sugar and flavor. The most healthy "water" I can talk myself into is "Propel" which won't be an option anymore once Monday rolls around and I meet with my dietician and start my eating plan (which will now be referred to as the EP).

the pedometer is nice- it connects to my computer and downloads the data for me, so I just plug it in every few days and whoosh- my trainer and nutritionist and doctor can view how much (or little) I've been moving. It's brand is OMRON which sounds a lot like an annoying little robot. Hmmm.

So the goal is 5,000 steps a day. Those steps do NOT include my workouts. Yesterday I mustered up 2,685 steps total. None of them were aerobic and you can see by my chart that there were a few hours where I didn't take even one step.

My goal for today (via email with my trainer, who I meet tomorrow) is to add 500 steps. That sounds reasonable, so I'll try that.

One lame thing about pedometers is that they feel weird when you first wear them with fat lady elastic waisted pants (my 2nd fave) or pajama pant (my very fave) but what are my options? I thought about it, and came up with two:

1) I hide the pedometer in my hair, like a bump it or other hair-volume accessory.

2) I tuck it into my bra safe and sound and unseen.

I was kidding about both of these until a my good friend SkinnyBuns challenged me that it would not read accurately while riding in my bra. So I tested it. And it worked.

PS I did not even manage to drink one full bottle of water. I got about 2/3 down.

Welcome to my blog. I'm not a writer, and I don't play one on TV. But I am an average gal who is about to undergo a huge transformation. The fat and lazy party is over, it's time to lose weight AND get in shape.

After 7 years of counting calories, or points, and/or dining on small frozen boxed lunches, eating pots of cabbagey soups and starting (then quitting) every exercise regime known to man, I am getting help. From these guys at 20/20 Lifestyles. I've seen this program work on others. It's very structured and very supportive, it includes a dietician, personal trainer, doctor, lifestyle coach, and you all working together to change your habits and your life.

Now I won't be sharing any top secret voodoo (if they have any) because yesterday when I joined I signed a sheet of paper with a lot of small print. That said, if you want to hear some scientific interesting stuff about how the program works, attend one of their seminars. I went and thought they'd try to sell me something but I actually learned some stuff. In fact, Dr Mark (founder) even says he'll tell you everything they're going to do so you can do it on your own. On my own hasn't worked for me, so I signed up for the full program.

I will share the changes I make, how they go and the ups and downs of my journey. I am sure to have lots of both. More later...

Fat and Finance

The first BIG meeting of the program is fitness assessment and mine was today.

I knew it was really more of a fatness assessment. Before pics, a fitness test, and paperwork (and payment) all take place here. You also get a pedometer (more on that later) and a water bottle (my nemesis). I was super nervous about this appointment, and told Offspring 1 the night before.

He couldn't understand why. I suppose if I was a teenager with 1% body fat and unlimited energy I'd be thrilled to have someone test me and take my photo. I reminded him that this these aren't such fun activities for someone in the BEFORE phase.

His response was that even if the numbers are bad, I need to know where I am starting. Then he said "You can always look back at this time as the apex of your physical decline."

Precisely.