Stages of Grief

The Kubler-Ross Model, the 5 stages of Grief were originally designed for death or loss, but over time they moved on to apply to addiction and major life changes. As I start my 4th week of the 20/20 program I see that they apply to the loss of my good friend Piggy as well.

Piggy represents my old habits- eat what you want, when you want, in whatever quantity you feel. Piggy pays no attention to fat, sugar and/or sodium. Sometimes Piggy tries, like by buying Skinny Cows instead of Haagen Daas, but then Piggy eats 5 SkinnyCows in a bowl with chocolate sauce and nuts on it, and sort of defeats the reason Piggy chose those in the first place.

But 4 weeks ago, Piggy was retired. And I am grieving the loss of this dear friend. Granted, he gave me a big butt, constant food hangovers and left me with high blood pressure and a blood sugar level within 1 point of Diabetes... why would I grieve such a jerk?

Because food feels good. Instant gratification- shove it in, and those brain chemicals tell you that you feel great. But they don't last, so you have to eat more in a few minutes, and so on.

So I have been reviewing the stages of a loss and have some comments about how they have affected me this past few weeks:

1. Denial- this is sometimes "wow, can I just lose this weight so I can go back to eating what I like?". Answer: NOPE. Sucky answer, I know but it was a lifestyle changed that gave me a big unhealthy body, and unless I permanently change that lifestyle to something else I am going to stay that way.
2. Anger- this one is often in a restaurant when we see someone skinny eating ice cream. We don't ever consider that if she's allowing herself that treat maybe she just ran a marathon. We assume she has the metabolism of a hummingbird and gets to (and does) hang out with Piggy all the time. PS- people who say they can eat whatever they want without gaining usually don't really do that. Or they're 18.
3. Bargaining- "I'll write it down later", or "one day without my 5,000 steps won't kill me" or my favorite sign that Piggy is still twitching is this one "sodium doesn't matter if you're eating low fat and no sugar. Well, my dear departing Piggy I must remind you that sodium is bad for the high blood pressure, and also it makes you retain water so when you bound onto your scale every morning to see if your hard work is paying off you find that it's not moving. Or its even higher. Sodium is not your buddy.
4. Depression- Well, DUH. Who faces a weekend without Kettle corn, Safeway General Tso's Chicken (w/fried rice of course) and plenty of Coke to wash it down, and doesn't feel depressed. While I do find that some of these healthy things taste good, I admit that when it's time to go out to eat I feel some depression over what I don't get. Last weekend I woke up Saturday depressed and was that way all day. That is how I ended up in the Peanut Butter tragedy (see earlier post).
5. Acceptance- I am not there, so I can't describe this yet but I hope it includes a unicorn. All joking aside, sometimes I know that I can do this and that it is worth it. Like Saturday when I was able to wear some pants I haven't been able to squeeze into for over a year. Now don't get me wrong, they're not falling off- it's still a bit of a pinch, but I can accept that.

So Piggy, I know I'll miss you sometimes. I bet I'll even have days when I think I can have you and my new healthy body both- that I can be the skinny gal who eats what I want and doesn't gain. But it's not the truth, and when that happens I hope I can realize I am bargaining again and it's not a good deal.