How to Cook Pumpkin

After a modicum of success making chicken pumpkin black bean chili, I decided I was ready to hit the big time. I was not only going to make this fantastic chili, I was going to cook the pumpkin for it, instead of using canned. I thought that someone out there might find my instructions helpful, so I am posting them.

Steps:

1. Go to PCC or Whole Foods and get organic cooking pumpkins. Not the kind you carve faces into, these are smaller. You might be unsure of how many to get, so do like me and get 5 of them, then choke on your own tongue when you realize you've just spent $14 to make your own pumpkin (for sale at Safeway, 2 cans for $4).
2. Take pumpkins home. Fret about where to store them. (House is too warm, porch might freeze- can they freeze? Is that bad? No space in fridge, etc.)
3. Threaten your children within an inch of their lives if they color on/mess with/are seen gazing for too long at cooking pumpkins.
4. Tell everyone you know that you are going to cook your own pumpkin, tell a few people you don't know. Really commit.
5. Think about looking up instructions, but don't actually print any or even decide which method you are going to use.
6. Get advice from superchef friend about how to boil it.
7. Spend 45 minutes looking up ways to cook it, with frequent side trips to Facebook and Etsy.
8. Decide to boil it.
9. Forget that your last soup debacle ended up with you in tears throwing your giant (cheap, crappy) soup kettle into the garbage can outside because after the exhaustion of making (then burning) the soup you just couldn't face cleaning the pan.
10. Dig out your great grandmother's old dutch oven style pot, which is always half as big as you need it to be. Remind self to buy a new large pot.
11. Cut pumpkins in half, remind self to buy Miracle Blade Knife set for Christmas.
12. Scoop out seeds and stringy crap, both of which you will find remnants of for the next 2 weeks in places you never dreamed of.
13. Begin wiping hands on pants and shirt, curse self for not having an apron.
14. Drop pieces of cut pumpkin into boiling water. Forget about them until sizzling sound of pot boiling over reminds you.
15. Set timer for 30 minutes. Go into living room and immediately begin fighting off the deepest sleep that has ever come over you.
16. When timer goes off, stab pumpkin with fork to see if it is tender. Accidentally break off several pieces of pumpkin, mumble under breath about needing a new pot, and check cupboard for canned pumpkin (just in case).
17. remove pumpkin from hot water, forgetting to put on a hot pad so Great Granny's metal pot handle is sure to sear your hand. You'll need something to remember this by when all the dried slime and seeds finally disappear.
18. let pumpkin cool on counter.
19. Begin second batch (I *said* the pot was too small) and chuckle to self about how easy this is. Begin picturing self making large batches and freezing this to use until next summer. Decide what color label will go on jars of your Homemade Pumpkin that your friends will surely want to try.
20. When pumpkin is cool, scrape meat out of skin. Drop several pieces, immediately wasting good pumpkin and about 800 paper towels to clean it up.
21. Say quick thanks to the Tupperware Gods that you somehow acquired a giant, wonderful Tupperware just the right size for all this pumpkin.
22. Curse whoever left 'giant' Tupperware at your house for not getting one size up, because it turns out that you suddenly have a buttload of pumpkin.
23. Remove second batch of pumpkin from stove when stray seed catches fire on burner, filling house with smoke and testing fire alarms.
24. Continue scraping pumpkin out. Drop large chunk down front of dishwasher, and onto the floor. Consider kicking air in disgust but think twice because you know this will land you in the ER with a bruised coccyx.
25. Burn hand on piece of pumpkin from most recent batch, nowhere near cool enough to touch.
26. Begin throwing pumpkin-y dishtowels into the wash, realize you have now only 1 dishtowel clean and tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
27. Start load of laundry.
28. Finish scraping out pumpkin meat, grin cleverly at bag of pumpkin guts, seeds and skin as you realize you have FINALLY remembered some food waste to put in the yard waste bin, and the trash company has only been begging you for 2 years.
29. Place Tupperware containers into refrigerator, wonder where you'll get the energy to make the soup you cooked this for.
30. Grab shopping list, add "Canned Pumpkin" to it, so next time you get an idea like this you may save you from yourself.
31. Look down, realize clothing is covered in pumpkin. Consider going to bed fully dressed in pumpkiny clothing and contemplate how hard you'll clobber your husband if he comments.
32. Pick pumpkin out of hair, change into jammies and hit the hay. After all, tomorrow you've got to mash all that pumpkin and get started on the real recipe.

The chili turned out great (again) but I am going to be honest, I do not think I preferred the fresh over the canned. It tasted great, but so did the canned, and it's worth saving the time because who knows, I might find another great recipe one of these days.