Digging into the Issue

Sigh.
This has been my toughest couple weeks. I was had a challenge I was trying to meet- to reach a certain BMI/weight by a specific time (not a program requirement, just a challenge by someone I admire- the 20/20 program has never number challenged me) and I freaked. And I hurried up and failed so that I wouldn't have to risk not succeeding.

And it stunk.

My past couple weeks has been an up/down affair- last week, up 1.4. The week before, down. The week prior, barely down. Basically since this challenge was verbalized, I started to quake in my boots. And it wasn't a challenge like a threat. Or intimidation- it was an offer. "Hey, if you can get here, I'd love to give you a gift to reward you". How nice is that? But I freaked. I balked. I prepared for failure and I hit the mark.


But this journey is not about failing and quitting. There is no room for spiraling back into hopeless overeating and miserable habits- I have an amazing team who is right by my side the entire way. So I opened up, admitted how I was struggling, and you know what? It's okay. Lesson learned.

But not the easy way. No lesson is learned the easy way, or I would never have ended up so overweight and unhealthy. It was time to unearth some issues.... this is where the brilliant lifestyle coach/counselor component of 20/20 helps so much.

Once we identified that I seem to have an adverse reaction to specific challenges (when they come from other people, I do fine if I set the goal) we dug in. I do fine with these when it comes to work, I relish a challenge there.... but somehow this had to be tied to my weight/personal successes.

The ridiculous part is that I have set goals for myself over the past 4 months and never freaked out like this- and the goals I set myself were no easier than this one.

I realized I was filtering things in a manner that was very black and white- I win, or I lose. No 2nd place. But life just isn't like that- sometimes you come in second and you are proud of the fact that you even made it to the finish line. Some days you should be proud you even showed up to the race.

So my "challenger" was kind enough to extend the offer- letting me know that if I can meet the goal 3 weeks from now, I can consider it a win (and get my prize). I feel confident I can meet this goal (same time frame I was given the first time) and frankly I am excited to stomp all over my fears this time.

I am so very grateful for 20/20, for helping me dig in and figure out what is behind my health/eating/exercise choices (good and bad) so I know that when I finish this program I will have a toolkit - resources, experiences, challenges overcome and victories. These are the things I will take with me.