Sunny outside, Raining inside

That was my facebook status today. It is sunny outside, but for some reason it's rainy inside my head.
Outside the sun is shining, sort of like my program. Overall I have had tremendous progress and am really working the program. I've been losing weight, getting fit and learning a ton.

That said, I am really having a hard time inside. My head, to be specific. The scale was up on Friday despite having a good week eating and working out. I struggled with a cold all week and had a healthy but VERY high sodium lunch out the day before weigh in, so I wasn't surprised but somehow I feel stuck. Like a great big failure.

Yep, I've looked at before pictures to motivate myself. And yep, I have a list of why I am so much better off now than I was 6 months ago. But I am still stuck.

One of our 20/20 Lifestyles videos teaches us about being in the Frustrated/Resistant phase. For a lot of people it happens just after they complete the program (when they have to go it alone) but for me, it's right now.

Why now? That's the million dollar question.

And I am not sure there's an answer. Certainly not an easy one.

• I wrapped up Phase 1 (my first 20 weeks) and am now in Phase 2, which is my last 12 weeks. Am I freaking out that I am in "phase 2" and if so, why?
• I still have about 26 pounds to lose- could that be it? That my mind is constantly calculating how much time and how much to lose. 2.6 lbs per week or you fail....
• I missed my birthday goal by almost 2 pounds. It's the first goal I've missed since starting this program. Is that where it started?
• I had a couple weeks of doing well all week then every other weekend was nut extravaganza. My relapses/lapses into overeating (even if it's food I am allowed, my portions are too high) seem more frequent. What is going on.
• I do know I've been more stressed (work, etc) than usual, and I feel like I have no buffer. I keep having this feeling that I can't "get away" from the stress. I just don't have the budget to get a massage or treat myself to something to feel better. I just don't know.

So this isn't one of those posts where I figure it all out, or even pull myself up by the bootstraps. This is just me, struggling and sharing the struggle.