Where am I ?

That sounds like a simple question, with an easy answer. But it's not. It's a question I've been asking myself for a couple months as weight has crept back on, my workouts have gone from regular to less regular to a couple a week.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night worrying. About myself. How can I spend so much time worrying about my weight and my health and so little time doing anything? And I've done this before, I've shown myself I know how. There is NO  easy way but I am feeling the weight (pun intended, I guess) of not doing what is right for my body.

Do you know what is fun? Losing weight and making a list of things that are going better- painting toenails without feeling like you can't reach your feet, going for a walk with a friend without feeling like the chubby fat one covered in sweat, having your purse stay on your shoulder instead of sliding down because you're 'round'.

What is NOT fun is having the things you hated about being overweight come back. But this is entirely within my control and it's time to turn this ship around, starting now.

Okay, kinda starting last week.

ProClub  does a really neat Alumni Challenge where you 20/20 alumni can win prizes and earn points (for more entries) for a 12 week period, to help motivate people to get back on track no matter how far they've strayed.

And I am in it- I love a contest! And I love prizes, even the idea of winning prizes. Now don't get me wrong I am NOT in this for the "most lbs lost" contest, they do have a trip at stake for the person who loses the most. That is a recipe for disaster for me.

What I need to do is get back to my little "crawl along, doing my best, enjoying seeing my body and health improve" state. The scale will go down and I will return to my low weight, but last November when I was challenged to hit a certain weight for a prize I thought I could handle it. I'll discuss this in another post but that turned out to be super far from the truth, I crumbled and I think that launched the decline in health that I have had.

But what is more important than falling off the horse is getting back on. Oh yeah, dust yourself off a bit, but really just climbing back aboard is what matters.

So I've been wearing my pedometer which has shown me the past 6 days that I get NOWHERE NEAR my required steps. Seriously- I get like 1500-2500 a day. How did that happen? It's a slippery slope, folks.

So I was a success story, then I guess I was kind of a failure story because I didn't just lose and gallop off into the sunset. I got bucked off and I sat on the ground crying for myself.  I'm all cried out, the Alumni Challenge is here and I am going to use it to pull myself back into better habits.

So we'll be talking more again, because I intend to blog my way back.