20/20, now 20/10

I did 20/20. It was a great program and I loved it, it worked better than any other weight loss program I have done. Like all weight loss programs, there were a few commons:

• it works (calories in < calories burned)

towards the end, I was injured and struggled to work out. And that is on me- Piggie used it as an excuse to do NOTHING and since I was in amazing shape by the time I got hurt it was a slow demise but the unthinkable happened- I regained and eventually got out of shape. Because I was in such good shape it was a slow, miserable process during which I had MANY opportunities to turn it around (and sometimes tried).

I have talked to other 20/20 alumni had this same experience when injured and I have come to the conclusion that the end of the program when you have precious few dietitian appointments, trainer appointments, etc, you are afraid to use them while injured. You go on a medical break but have no support. My trainer, Woodstock, emailed me but I was highly dependent on the 3x a week of having her chase me through the gym and the finality of every Friday with my dietitian. Without my crew, I fell into a slump. The thrill was gone.

Now I realize this is mostly my problem, but do believe some 'transition' planning would be really beneficial for clients, as I know ones who regain talk about just feeling like they had it all during the program but were alone (and hungry) when it was over. No cheer crew.

Regardless, I remain devoted to 20/20 and always recommend people do it. It's the best program out there, period.

I think of 20/20 as perfect vision, which is what you get with help and support (sometimes glasses- which is how I see the structure, dietitian, etc). It works, and you feel great.

Today I am on what I call 20/10. That's a little better than perfect vision, you can see a little more. I think that is what people have when they have to re-lose some or all of their program weight. More perfect? are you kidding? re-losing is LESS perfect.

No, little grasshopper, it is not. Because you are wiser, you SEE more. You know what you need to do and you can't use glasses to get there. No doctor gives out glasses to get you from 20/20 to 20/10. You can only be 20/10 naturally.

And there are 10 things I know now that I didn't know then.

1. If you stop doing what you learned, it stops working. And you gain weight. And it sucks.
2. Once you're thin your body DOES NOT decide to stay thin on it's own like it did when you were 20.
3. Those clothes you enthusiastically threw out because they were too big may be missed. But don't- just replace a few to get by and get back to the smaller clothes.
4. You won't get or stay anywhere if you don't exercise now.
5. You now have to learn and face truths about obesity you may not have realized before- more illness, less energy, etc.
6. It's a bitter pill to swallow having seen people who tell you how amazing you look then facing them again with more weight. I had someone ask "why did you get fat again".
7. You really can't do it for anyone else, or be motivated by anyone else. Or make a deal that "we'll both do good" because ultimately you get on the scale alone.
8. The scale matters. It's a tool for measuring. I'd wear pants unbuttoned if it meant I could pretend I hadn't gained, but I cannot trick the scale.
9. You will miss being thin more than you will love any dessert, food or event.
10. Freedom means you can choose- and you always can- to eat healthy or poorly. And eating poorly WILL make you feel lousy. There's no denying it.

Clearly, I was overserved.

Growing up my older brothers had friends who were like family, they were always around. One, who was notorious for overimbing would often say "Clearly, I was overserved".

This past year, I have been overserved. By myself. Actually, it started last January when I got injured. Very slowwwwly I began to regain and get out of shape. I can say without hesitation that it is a LOT less fun to gain than to lose.

Losing:

• hey, this is easier!
• hey, that fits better!
• hey, I can do that!

Gaining:

• this is harder
• this sucks
• I can't fit into that
• I can't do that

So I am going back to losing, it was a lot more fun.

Why now, you ask? Why are you blogging again dear Trashy? Why not continue to hide from your blog and your butt like you have been?

Because of Skinnybuns and Woodstock. For one, Skinnybuns has lost her mind and is planning a 100k trek in England. AND she started blogging. See her blog here, she's posting her goals (with numbers, brave girl) and progress and things she's grateful for. I am going to start posting stuff I am grateful for (as soon as I think of something).

Here is Skinnybuns blog: www.trekkingligers.com

and Eagle Guru is trekking with her, I believe. I admit, if I were rich and famous I'd go along just to carry their water bottles, those brave souls. Or maybe to cheer for them (another time I shall confess to my constant need to cheer for people and things).

So she has inspired me. Also, I got a package of workouts with Woodstock who will NEVER let me forget that me and my chubbiness are never, ever, ever EVER getting back together (to quote Taylor Swift) because I have done this before and I will do it again.

And I will.

Discouraging Hike

I tried a hike this weekend. Hubby is getting ready to climb Mt Baker, so he and I drove down (a few hours) to check it out and hike the Heliotrope Ridge Trail. Let me preface this by saying I should NEVER agree to a hike without checking out the specs first, because hubby can hike anything. I swear he could gain 100 lbs, sit on the sofa for a year and pop up and hike up Mt Rainier if he felt like it.This comes from a childhood of backpacking, it's as if he learned from a young age how to get into a rhythm of hiking/stepping and breathing so he can efficiently go uphill.

I, on the other hand, grew up doing sprinty sort of sports. Primarily sprinting to be exact- we were a track family. This means if we had to sprint to save our lives, he'd get eaten by the bear. However, if the bear was a distance runner of any sort, I'm screwed.

I was ready, though- I had no idea the trail was rated 'Difficult', and I had my Zune, my water bottle belt (I hate carrying a pack so hubby carries a day pack and I wear a fanny pack or water belt) and my hiking boots and layered socks. We headed out and the bridge was washed out- so you have to go across some logs. Not nearly as scary as I expected. But as we got across and scrambled up the other side, I realized "hey, we're at a high altitude and I'm not getting much air".

We hiked about 30 minutes total, including our bridge scramble. Hubby was WAY ahead, and I was honestly wondering if my heart would explode or maybe I'd trip over a root and die first. I was willing to accept either, so long as I didn't have to wait too long.

That didn't happen. I didn't die, even though I was ready. What did happen was that sweet hubby recognized that I was not going to be able to make it. He was really sweet about it but I felt like a big-fat-loser. I hated it. We turned around and went back to the trail head, I was fueled by my embarrassment and frustration.

But we had a long talk- our family vacation is just 4 weeks away to Mt St Helens, where we had hoped to climb the mountain and do Ape Caves. We both committed to extra healthy eating to get some pounds off fast and also to really kick up our workouts. I think for me, I may choose Ape Caves and let hubby and son charge up Mt St Helens, it's considered very strenuous and takes 8 hours. Even in peak condition I'm not sure that sounds fun at all!

So it was discouraging, this practice hike, to see that I am not in the shape I was and should be but hopefully I can keep that failure to fuel my eating and workouts as I continue to improve.

With the regular bridge washed out, this log is the way you get across.

Panama

I had a work trip to Panama this week, and I maintained my weight. Actually, I may be down a pound or two- I got in at 2 am and weighed myself this morning. I imagine I have some airplane bload.

I met my goal of getting in 10,000 steps a day even on travel days- I walked in the airports, took the stairs and just about wore my feet right off. By rotating shoes and icing my feet at night I seemed to help them recover- no blisters anyhow.

What's that? How did I eat? You *would* ask that, wouldn't you? :)

I did okay. I give myself a B. (I decided grading myself is kinder than just "pass fail". I tried to make good choices (dodging fried stuff when possible) but I did indulge in the local fare. I didn't let myself bring my usual bodybag full of almonds and other airplane snacks, and I left mayo and cheese off my airport sandwiches.

Last summer on vacation I was a rock- really strict and no bread, etc. I hope that by family vacation time in Aug this year I can be that successful, but for this trip my goal was simply get those 10,000 steps (requested by Woodstock) and not gain. And I didn't.

Tomorrow I have a hike with my daughter and a group of girls from church, so that's good- gotta keep on moving.... then back to M-W workouts with Woodstock on Monday, can't wait!

Did I speak too soon?

About the Fitbit, that is...

FB is tracking well, and my computer recognizes it and links it to my Fitbit account, but it won't synch and show the MANY steps I have been getting in, so I may have to do it manually. Did it's wee "synch-er" get destroyed when I washed it? Who cares, it tracks my steps and stays attached better than any pedometer AND it has the cool flower thing where the more steps you do the taller it gets.

AND this morning my scale showed me down 3 pounds. Oh yeah!

FitBitinstein

I just might have the best news in the universe. MY FITBIT IS ALIVE! And yes, I meant to shout that.
You see, I killed a Fitbit. Okay, two. First I had Blue Fitbit (BF, like Best Friend Blue Fitbit) that I put through the washer, and it would no longer charge or show numbers or anything. I placed it in the Robot Box (where all cords go to die in my kitchen) and hoped it would come back to life.

It's successor, Pink Fitbit got lost. Literally must have snapped off my bra or pants and disappeared. I cried. I offered my kids $20 each to find her. She is still missing in action.

Every so often I would look in the Robot box and pull out BF. And I'd charge him, and I'd wait. But he would only occasionally flash a number or bit of light.

But this past weekend the planets aligned and when I went through my dismal ritual of checking to signs of BF life it happened- he came to LIFE. And he worked all weekend. And he is STILL working and I am wearing him RIGHT NOW.

So for those of you who have washed your Fitbits do NOT discard. I don't know whether putting them into a bag of rice will help (I have friends who have) but I do know that mine is alive again and I am ever so happy, so much so that I made this to celebrate:

I need to synch him up tonight, but if you want to be FitBit friends, here's a link to my profile so you can request to "friend" me: http://www.fitbit.com/user/22BFFW

Waking Up Strong

I don't think I've lost an ounce yet. Okay, maybe one.

Getting back onto eating right has been more challenging than I expected, mostly because of budget and planning. Planning is effort but when your budget is tight it's hard- no grabbing $2 a piece bars or shakes at the club. And I admit feeling like a chubby harbor seal as I work out hasn't exactly helped. I remember this, it's the part where I don't feel good but I know I am doing the right thing.

But this morning I got up after about 5 hours of bad sleep and WHAT IS THIS, I thought to myself. I felt STRONG.

Now there's a difference between sore and strong.
Sore= "hey fatty, glad you got up"
Strong = "Well hellooooo muscles, I see you're still in there!"

And I felt strong! Oh sure, my undies are still too small and I can hardly wait to fit back into the rest of my clothes, but I FELT STRONG and IT FELT GOOD and I remembered why I want to feel like that every single day.

"Welcome Home!"

That's what SkinnyBuns said to me from her stairclimber this morning. How fitting, because going back to the Pro Club after time off for injury (then more time off for bad decisions).

It was like homecoming- I saw SkinnyBuns working out, and the Eagle Guru glided past and said hello, I almost jumped off my stairclimber!

And of course, there was Woodstock. Is there anything better than exiting the locker room and seeing Woodstock there, ready to work out? Nope.

I had been really nervous- here she had put so much work into re crafting me, would she be mad that I had regained some weight and lost some of my diligence in working out? I had asked via email the day before and got a resounding NO, so I felt better.

She was regular Woodstock, and we went right to work- elliptical, stairclimber, then weights and a weigh in (I get points for that for the Alumni Challenge). Then I watched the Lapse/Relapse video, a really good one from the 20/20 educational videos.

Good things about the workout:

1. Seeing 3 of my favorite folks
2. I was able to do most exercises on the same weight as last workout, so I haven't lost as much strength as I feared (I even planked for a full 60 seconds)
3. My cardio wasn't bad either

I can do this, I am not that far off, I can get back to where I like to be.

What a great start to the day. Woodstock and I are on for next week on Monday and Wednesday, I have a couple gift certificates that are allowing me to buy some trainer sessions- HOORAY!

One day down, 43 years to go...

If I only live to be 85.

Seriously, though, it's amazing how hard it is to get that first day going. Woodstock always says if you can hang in there for 3 days exercising and eating right you get past the grouchies and a couple pounds usually drops off (even if it is salty water) and you feel BETTER.

But it's not about a few days, or finishing a program. It's forever.

Now of course there will be days that aren't good but I think the goal is to stick with it every day during the losing phase then to make the days when you slip the exception, not the rule.

Hmmm, that is NOT the easy answer.

So I am taking this one day at a time- no, one DECISION at a time.

• It's morning, will I skip breakfast (a bad habit of mine)
• Should I drink some water (SkinnyBuns is such a good reminder on this)
• It's time to eat, what do I choose
• Have I worked out today
• How can I get more steps?
• Have I been sitting for hours at work without getting up?
• I'm upset, do I eat my feelings? (if yes can I eat them in the form of a baby carrot instead of a Twinkie?)
• How can I help others on their journey (it's surprising how this blog and my weight- losing friends pull me along and inspire me)

So here I am on day two of the next 43 years (or more!) of living in a way that makes me feel good. Come along, it's going to be worth it.

Where am I ?

That sounds like a simple question, with an easy answer. But it's not. It's a question I've been asking myself for a couple months as weight has crept back on, my workouts have gone from regular to less regular to a couple a week.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night worrying. About myself. How can I spend so much time worrying about my weight and my health and so little time doing anything? And I've done this before, I've shown myself I know how. There is NO  easy way but I am feeling the weight (pun intended, I guess) of not doing what is right for my body.

Do you know what is fun? Losing weight and making a list of things that are going better- painting toenails without feeling like you can't reach your feet, going for a walk with a friend without feeling like the chubby fat one covered in sweat, having your purse stay on your shoulder instead of sliding down because you're 'round'.

What is NOT fun is having the things you hated about being overweight come back. But this is entirely within my control and it's time to turn this ship around, starting now.

Okay, kinda starting last week.

ProClub  does a really neat Alumni Challenge where you 20/20 alumni can win prizes and earn points (for more entries) for a 12 week period, to help motivate people to get back on track no matter how far they've strayed.

And I am in it- I love a contest! And I love prizes, even the idea of winning prizes. Now don't get me wrong I am NOT in this for the "most lbs lost" contest, they do have a trip at stake for the person who loses the most. That is a recipe for disaster for me.

What I need to do is get back to my little "crawl along, doing my best, enjoying seeing my body and health improve" state. The scale will go down and I will return to my low weight, but last November when I was challenged to hit a certain weight for a prize I thought I could handle it. I'll discuss this in another post but that turned out to be super far from the truth, I crumbled and I think that launched the decline in health that I have had.

But what is more important than falling off the horse is getting back on. Oh yeah, dust yourself off a bit, but really just climbing back aboard is what matters.

So I've been wearing my pedometer which has shown me the past 6 days that I get NOWHERE NEAR my required steps. Seriously- I get like 1500-2500 a day. How did that happen? It's a slippery slope, folks.

So I was a success story, then I guess I was kind of a failure story because I didn't just lose and gallop off into the sunset. I got bucked off and I sat on the ground crying for myself.  I'm all cried out, the Alumni Challenge is here and I am going to use it to pull myself back into better habits.

So we'll be talking more again, because I intend to blog my way back.